by Seq, NCSF Board Member and Chair of the DEI Committee
Q. Please tell us a bit about yourself including any identities you hold
Kiley is an ethically non monogamous, bisexual queer who identifies as she/her/any pronouns but in the sex trade identifies as she/her.
Q. Please share some things about your history in alt-sex communities
My partner and I joined the Swinging lifestyle at 28 years old. At the time we noticed how exceptionally young we were in comparison to most of the people we were meeting. Only after sharing our journey on social media did we find a community of people close to our age. I have found the poly/ENM community tends to be of the younger generation. What we’ve also found is that sexuality within our generation tends to be more fluid which makes the swinger lifestyle a great option for those looking to explore alternative lifestyles. Unfortunately one of the things we found is that consent seems to be extremely important to my generation whereas the older generations seem almost offended when it’s talked about.
Q. Is there a marked difference between the older generations in Swing Lifestyle and the younger crowd?
I think the biggest difference between older and younger generations is our openness to change. I think things within the lifestyle have been the same for so long that when you talk about integrating things into their spaces like consent education, or ideals of DEI, or for lack of a better term more progressive spaces, the older generation is less receptive and tends to reject the changes. As I get more involved with alt sex communities I see myself feeling more seen and heard within poly/kink communities because of their willingness to connect with the changes coming.
Q. Are there some problematic standards that you wish the communities could get past?
I think for me the biggest problematic standards are those of “toxic masculinity.” It feels like in swinging spaces women are just meant for the male gaze. Many women are bisexual in the swinger lifestyle, but men are shamed for opening up about their bisexuality. It’s almost like women are “supposed” to be bisexual just so men can watch them for their own sexual pleasure. Something else I see as problematic is that women tend to break more consent violations than men. It’s a very normal thing to walk around a swinger club and have another woman touch your breasts or slap your butt.
Q. What about the Swing Lifestyle do you wish those outside those communities knew?
I wish people knew it wasn’t just an all out sex fest. It can be a lot of fun and also very sexual but for the most part it’s very social. Swingers are just normal people, we are good parents, good wives, good daughters, good sisters. We just love a little differently.
Q. What do you hope to witness in the future in Swing communities or in alt-sex communities in general?
I really hope to see the swinger lifestyle following suit with the kink/poly lifestyles. I think merging all communities together is something we will be seeing in the future. I believe if changes don’t start being made my generation, the younger generation will reject the community and find themselves in more progressive communities with more of a willingness to grow and change with our rapidly changing world. I would love to see all the alternative sex communities merge together to create positive spaces together. I think we all have so much to learn from each other. I would also like to see consent play a much larger role within the swinger lifestyle. I would love to see spaces where more people feel safe and are more educated on consent.
Bio:
Kiley is a 32 year old millennial swinger from Cleveland, Ohio, who is a passionate advocate for ethical non-monogamy and sex work, and is committed to raising awareness, challenging societal perspectives, and creating safe spaces for discussion and acceptance of Sexual Freedom. Kiley is an online content creator and social media influencer. Kiley strives to empower individuals to explore their unique relationship dynamics and embrace their sexual autonomy without judgment or shame.
Kiley is constantly engaged in various initiatives to promote understanding, inclusivity, and education around these topics. She volunteers with organizations like The Woodhull Freedom Foundation, The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom and OPEN. Kiley has been featured on Love Don’t Judge and numerous podcasts where she talks openly about her passion about advocating for sexual freedom.
Furthermore, Kiley dedicates her time and energy to providing guidance and support to individuals navigating ethical non-monogamous relationships or considering sex work as a profession. Her authentic and empathetic approach, combined with their extensive knowledge and personal insight, helps individuals overcome internal and external challenges, encouraging them to embrace their truth, desires, and choices. Kiley’s advocacy work extends beyond her immediate community, reaching individuals worldwide through various digital platforms.
With a vibrant personality and an unwavering commitment to social justice, Kiley serves as a beacon of hope, inspiring countless individuals to challenge societal norms, embrace their sexuality, and advocate for diverse relationship structures and the rights of sex workers. Through her tireless efforts, Kiley is catalyzing a cultural shift towards a more inclusive, equitable, and compassionate society.